- x'D -

- Vomit -

No one listens...

No one cares..

No one understands...

Just you...
Why only you...
If I talk to you, I'll fall for you again.. and you'll break me again..
Just stop it... If you won't ever look at me.. just stop it...
If you just going to see another girl.. just stop it!!

I don't wanna get hurt...
But to hate you is just bring more hurt...

I fear to step into the future...

I'm fed up to live in the present..

Can't I just go back to the past..?

Where all those lies keep being untold...

Where all my feelings is true... where what's untrue is my place in your heart..

I'm waiting like a fool for you to pick up pieces of me..

Even I know it wouldn't happen..

I know it.. I really know...

No need to tell me..

Why? Why why why why WHY???

Why you make me like this????

Why why why why why?!!!!!

Why I'm the only one?!!!!!!
Why you're just doing fine and stepping into the future without a doubt?!!!
Why me?!!!!!

You always say that there're still another guys!!

You always say that I must get over you!!!

Then please give me back my heart!!!!!!!!!!

Give it BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regret it.... I really regret it all....

I am regretting it all!!

Now I live in regrets!! Because of you!!!

If I'm no good for you why you choosed me!!
Why you didn't choose that girl who shared the same thought with you!!
Am I doing wrong to take this feelings seriously?!!!
The one thing i know's wrong is just to fell for someone like you!!!


Can this be that they really call love?
All the hurt.. all the hate..
it never goes away..

So what if this is really my fate..?

Fade away... Just watch me fade away...

I have no way out..
No way out.. from this insanity...
Can you just disappear?
So I can end my time...?

It hurts... It really hurts...

The last thing I want you to understand is this pain...

And here I am crying for me that's cursing you...
I'm really a terrible person ain't I? :')

Ya I know...

I'm a fool.. I'm sick.. I'm harsh.. I have no good... I'm.... ignoble..

Hey isn't it good?
I'm fall like crazy for you.. :D
Isn't it good?
Look how good you're having a girl can't let go of you from her mind..
Don't mind me.. really.. just look fowards..

God, am I that strong to live with this pain...?
will this ever end..?
or it's the end...?
will all the misery payed off in the end...?

- Funny... -

Baru aja tadi pagi saya nolak ajakan seseorang (A) untuk melakukan sesuatu karena ingin melakukannya dengan seseorang yang lain (B), dan siangnya si seseorang yang lain itu (B) ngasih tau klo dia akan melakukannya tanpa saya...

Mfufufufufu... lucu...

- well-suited isn't it...?

"But if in the end you have to leave me

There is just one thing I ask for

That you'd burn me with your fire

And release me from this life..."

Just found this image at Zerochan.net and found a matching song at Youtube..

Nhahaha.. looks well-suited isn't it..?

Ah, here's the video I found.. well.. to be honest, I feel really down this day..

It's really really hurt to be one-sided, huh...? Who knows it feels better than me? You should tell me your story then.. =P

And here's the Video..

Originally, It's a Japanese song.. but Neko & Nano did a great job to cover it into English.. Enjoy!

- Unheard voices -

"There you're again, Master...."

"It's nice to see you draw me again.."

"I love your face when you draw me, Master"

"But, oh...? Why're you crying now...?"

"Why're you crying while draw me, Master?"

"Is it because of me, Master...?"

"Are you trying to draw someone...?"

"Am I that person you try to draw?"

"Are you hurt because of him, Master?"

"I won't hurt you Master!!"

"I won't make you cry!"

"So please look at me, Master"

"Draw me... with that smile again..."

"As if you love me so much..."

"As if you want me so much..."

"I want to see..."

"God, please... bring me to life!!"

"I love my Master!!"

"I don't wanna see her like this..!"

"I wanna be the one who cherish her!!"

"My Master don't deserve those sadness!"

"I want to protect her..."

"I want to be by her side..."

"I want her smiles......."

- Another Life Lesson: Give up on a dream -

I'm saying good bye to my dream... FSRD ITB... :)
It's a long... long... and hard journey to reach it..
In the end, it didn't come true..

Melepaskan mimpi itu sakit... bukan main...
saya punya banyak mimpi besar di FSRD... sangat banyak... sangat besar... sangat ingin mewujudkannya... mungkin semangat saya dengan segala mimpi saya masuk FSRD lebih besar dari orang yang keterima di sana..
Tapi tangan ini tak mampu membuatnya jadi nyata.. kehendak-Nya berkata lain...

Dan saya pun dipaksa belajar untuk melepas segala mimpi itu...
Sakit... sedih... sangat...
Sekali ini saja... saya paksakan diri saya untuk menyerah... sekali ini saja... saya akan belajar dari rasa pahit ini..

"Ikhlas nurul... ikhlas.... bismillahirrahmanirrahim... ikhlas nurul...."
begitu saya ucapkan berulang2 dalam hati... dengan pipi yang tak kering2 terbasahi air mata..
malam ini saja... saya ingin menangis... menangisi terkuburnya mimpi saya... keinginan saya... harapan saya... cita-cita saya...
malam ini saja.... saya ingin bersandar... malam ini saja... saya butuh sosok 'kakak'....

tolong.... cukup sampai sini saja pukulan untuk saya...
cukup....